


falling in love (goes something like this)

by travelingsymphony



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Non-Linear Narrative, give it up for wooyoung from ateez for making a cameo, one word summary: healing, so much fluff that it will rot your teeth, sort of???, sungie is a Hot Mess and minho is simply the bf we all want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25190575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingsymphony/pseuds/travelingsymphony
Summary: It’s not that Jisung has low standards in men he dates, it’s that he’s a fucking idiot (ask Hyunjin, he wouldgladlyagree). This means he attracts just as equally idiotic people. It’s that plain and simple... and okay, maybe he does have low standards in the men he dates too. It’s whatever, really.But for some reason, Jisung has this relatively odd aching feeling that tells him Minho is a little different from what he is used to.(Or, Jisung’s10 Signs You Are Falling in Lovelist might be filled with more bullshit than he’d care to admit).
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 44
Kudos: 556





	falling in love (goes something like this)

**Author's Note:**

> hey-o friends. how’s it cracking? i’m personally going bat-shit crazy; the whole idea for this story came out of 4 hours of sleep and me staring at my ceiling fan so that’s cool. i just got into stray kids like a month ago so this will be an experience for everyone involved, me included lmfao. also the story is non-linear af so sorry if that causes any confusion lol. enjoy~~
> 
> p.s. my beta asked me if ‘he could be the one’ by hannah montana could be the theme song of the fic. the answer is… maybe.
> 
> feb 2nd update: and we are back with the updates dudes. um, about the statement jisung released, it's good that he did. he is an adult and should take responsibility for his actions. if you forgive him, i think that is okay. if you _don't_ forgive him, i think that is okay. but make sure that you fall into the category of people he insulted, those are the individuals who get to make the judgement call. thank you.

  


  


**10 Signs You Are Falling in Love by Han (dumb of ass) Jisung**

  


  


1\. Not feeling hungry at all whenever you are around them 

“So what are you looking at?” Minho asks with a neutral tone lightly draped over his voice. He sits peacefully as he flips through his menu like he doesn’t have a care in the world. 

Jisung pouts while he looks at all the options in front of him. He may look like he has it together (no, he actually doesn’t look like he has it together, just let him pretend for a little bit longer) but the inside of his head is reaching a new point of insanity. All he can hear is his own brain screaming: _how the actual fuck did I ever agree to this?_

He doesn’t realize his foot is tapping rapidly against the polished tile floor to the light, wordless music playing in the background. Luckily, Jisung isn’t bothering anyone as the sound of the wait staff moving up and down the tables swiftly covers the noise. 

“I… don’t know yet.” Jisung responds to Minho’s question; his eyes start to glaze as he gets more overwhelmed over all the options in front of him and he sort of wishes he was anywhere but here right now. 

You see, uh, Jisung has a hard time eating in front of people. 

Now don’t get it twisted, Jisung pigs out during any and every opportunity he is given. For example, his favorite eating frenzies are the nights Chan indulges everyone by taking them out to their favorite Korean BBQ restaurant. They all go out the first Monday of each month and holy fuck are those nights greasy and amazing. 

And due to being a freshman in college, Jisung doesn’t refuse opportunities to get some killer food, especially when he isn’t the one paying for it. So when Minho said he would pay for dinner, Jisung couldn’t really find it in himself to argue against it. 

The kicker though is that Minho is different. Not a bad different, but a… _different_ different. Minho and he have been seeing each other ( _you are fucking whipped for him,_ Changbin says all the time, but what does that jackass know anyway) recently and it’s been fine! 

Well, more than fine because they are currently on their third date and Jisung honestly never thought they (read: he) would survive through the first one. 

This being a date just makes Jisung’s anxiety a little worse he guesses. His inability to eat a full meal in public was one of the first forms of how his anxiety reared it’s ugly head. 

Jisung can hear his mother in the back of his head: _it was impossible to get you to eat out when you were younger. You’d be starving then take two bites of your food before pushing it away. Then suddenly right as we got home, you’d eat the whole damn thing!_

He has gotten better at eating out with friends and family as he got older; sometimes Jisung is able to eat an entire plate of food without batting an eyelash. His mom always got so excited those days, leaving him confused on why that is so entertaining, but happy nevertheless to see a smile on her face.

It’s during things like this, dates, where Jisung can’t help but eat his own anxiety for dinner. It gets stuck in his throat like water going down the wrong pipe. He can’t wash it away with a sip of whatever drink he has or a nibble of food. Jisung just has to wait for it to pass and hopefully eat at least enough before someone says anything slightly incriminating of his character. 

“I think I may just get an appetizer.” Jisung mutters before putting his menu down to look over at Minho. The bruschetta pictured on page 3 looks really good and the description said they used freshly picked basil, how could Jisung pass up on that?

It still feels like an insult though, being in such a nice restaurant and not like, ordering a steak or something. But his anxiety wins out and settles heavily in Jisung’s chest, bringing out a prominent emotion of: _if I eat, I will quite literally throw up anything that dares enter my stomach._ Which would not be good for anyone involved. 

Minho looks over his menu and blinks at Jisung. He puts it down with a soft click of black bound leather (it’s that kind of _nice_ restaurant) hitting the glass table. 

“You sure? I swear you can order anything you like. I don’t mind.” Minho questions, but not in a: _I feel like I have to prove that I can provide for you or something,_ way but more like a: _I want this to be special._

Jisung swallows, but doesn’t move to pick up the menu again. He really wants something nice to eat because God did the pasta list look to fucking die for. Maybe he could come back here with Felix after his next paycheck... 

But just, not tonight. 

“No no, this will be good. Don’t worry about it.” Jisung waves a hand with a smile on his lips. He picks up his glass of ice water and takes a sip of it before setting it back down. God, the fucking water even feels unbearablely heavy in his stomach.

When Minho asked if Jisung wanted to go out to dinner he should have just said pizza at Minho’s place would have been good enough. But Jisung also had never been to Minho’s place and that is a whole other can of worms not to be opened right now.

But here _Jisung_ is, feeling like he is wasting time that he should have never had in the first place. 

Minho nods his head with an understanding smile on his face then leans over the table. His face is flushed after a glass of wine he’s had (rip Jisung for being underage) and looks more alive than ever. He glows under the soft lighting and Jisung can’t help but mirror the other’s smile just at the sight of him. 

“How about this. You order the appetizer and I get an entree we can share if you feel hungry enough. If not, then you can take it home as leftovers.” Minho whispers like he is trading top-secret government information with him. 

Jisung doesn’t know if he hides the shock he feels after Minho’s statement well, but the older man makes no move to call him out for his wide eyes. He blinks at Minho before agreeing almost out of pure confusion. 

_Well that’s not the normal reaction I get._

Usually when Jisung goes out on dates like these, he is pointed out for tossing his food around his plate and patronized for taking it home almost completely intact. He tries to pass it off as a funny joke here and there, but no matter how hard he tries it always settles under his skin as something to be ashamed of. 

But here _Minho_ is willing to work around Jisung’s lack of appetite (even though he has seen first-hand the damage Jisung can do to a meal around their friends); he is willing to work _with_ Jisung. 

_Willing to meet me halfway, huh._

Minho orders for the two of them with a bright face and wink; they get the appetizer and entree at the same time to which Jisung feels lighter about trying to eat it now than he did 25 minutes prior.

The older man takes an extra plate they asked for and fills it with a tiny piece of lasagna then hands it over to Jisung with a soft look in his eyes. It looks amazing and Jisung actually wants to try it. Surprisingly enough, he feels like he can so he does. 

Before Jisung knows it, both the appetizer and entree are bare from their sparkling white dishes and he is waiting impatiently for dessert. 

Minho doesn’t say a word, not even an: _I told you so._ He just sits there and passes over the dessert menu when their waitress hands it over to the older. Jisung flips through it excitedly and Minho just watches with a look Jisung can’t quite name just yet. 

“Do you want a cup of coffee with the tuxedo cake?” The waitress asks after Jisung is the one to order for the two of them; he nods his head quickly. 

“And you sir?” She directs her attention to Minho who doesn’t take his eyes off of Jisung. The younger can feel a blush crawl up from his chest now resting on his cheeks, but doesn’t dare hide it. 

“Yes please, thank you.” 

(Jisung destroys the cake, leaving Minho with only a couple of bites and himself with cheeks fully round. He swallows the sweet and nervously scratches behind his head as Minho looks at him with a raised eyebrow. 

Instead of being scorned for his poor manners, God Jisung’s mom would have a fit seeing him right now, Minho just asks if he wants another one. 

“No, I’m good.” Jisung laughs while rolling his eyes, one piece of cake was good enough for him... 

How they end up leaving with two slices of the same cake nicely packaged in a bag, Jisung has no clue. But it was _definitely_ Minho’s idea).

  


  


2\. Never being able to find _The Perfect Outfit_

It’s not that Jisung has low standards in men he dates, it’s that he’s a fucking idiot (ask Hyunjin, he would _gladly_ agree). This means he attracts just as equally idiotic people. It’s that plain and simple... and okay, maybe he does have low standards in the men he dates too. It’s whatever, really. 

But for some reason, Jisung has this relatively odd aching feeling that tells him Minho is a little different from what he is used to. 

And yet that is still not enough to keep him from freaking the absolute fuck out. 

“Dude you are just going over to his place, not to a fucking art gallery in France.” Felix snorts as Jisung shows him the 4th (fourth) outfit he has tried on. 

Jisung throws a pillow at Felix’s head, but sadly it misses the younger by a long shot. His roommate’s voice twinkles as he laughs and fuck does Jisung want to punch him _so hard_ that his freckles pop off his face. 

“ _This, is, im-port-ant._ ” Jisung emphasizes each syllable as he picks up another pillow (it’s Felix’s fault for being on Jisung’s bed) and slaps it across the younger’s body. 

“Stop! Stop, I get it. I get it!” Felix is still laughing but Jisung drops the pillow before giving up completely and falling face first onto his bed. 

He mumbles out a complaint to which Felix unceremoniously grips the hair on the back of Jisung’s neck before pulling his head up to look at him. 

“Ow, ow, ow! Hey that’s not nice, that fucking _hurt._ ”

“I can’t hear you whining with your mouth in a blanket.”

“I said you should stop being so mean to me.” Jisung rolls his eyes, but he guesses the response was good enough because Felix lets the older’s head crash back down onto the bed. 

Jisung lays there as still as the dead, even when he feels Felix get up. He hears some of his drawers open so it leads him to believe that his roommate is finally being useful for once. But when he feels a familiar heaviness settle onto his back, he realizes that Felix is still as useless as a newborn. 

“I’m not wearing my favorite sweatshirt over to his place!” Jisung sits up suddenly causing the fabric to slide off his back and onto the carpeted floor. Felix picks it up, blows off the invisible dust that isn’t there, and hands it back over to a frustrated Jisung. 

“I don’t understand what’s the big deal. You guys have been dating forever now, and became official over a month ago! He has seen you in everything you own by now. What’s so different?” Felix asks with a puzzled look on his face. 

Jisung freezes before looking down at his feet that are clad in a pair of socks Minho gave him. They have little rainbow dinosaurs on them and that stupid fucking phrase: _rawr means I love you in dinosaur,_ written all over. 

He finally asked Minho to be his boyfriend a month ago and it has been smooth sailing since (even if Jisung asking him Was Not smooth, at all). They have made a little routine for themselves and slowly Minho is bleeding into Jisung’s daily life. 

But as much as they see each other between classes and such, they have never been in a closed space together. Alone. 

You see where Jisung is going now?

His silence must have been enough for Felix because the longer Jisung doesn’t respond, the more Felix’s face contorts from confusion to complete and utter realization. Jisung tries to keep a building embarrassment off his face, but God does the room feel incredibly warm right now. 

“Wait you think...? Like you guys are gonna— _Oh my God, no fucking way._ ” Felix spits out before cackling like the asshole he is. 

Remind Jisung he needs to get better friends. 

He groans into his hands and rocks back and forth on his heels. Jisung feels like a fucking idiot, but like _of course_ Minho and he are going to fuck. Like that’s why Minho invited him over to his empty apartment because his roommate is out of town, right?

Right, that isn’t a crazy assumption. Jisung _knows_ it isn’t. 

Clearly it is slightly crazy for how hard Felix is laughing, the kid has made his way (collapsed) onto the floor and is rolling around. He is holding his stomach as he cries through his breakdown and Jisung just wants to go to bed. Call the whole night off, and pass the fuck out.

Jisung waits for Felix to calm down and by the time he does, Jisung’s foot is tapping as he looks at his watch. He doesn’t have time for this. 

“If you aren’t going to help, then get out. I only have like, two hours, before I have to leave.” Jisung grumbles while kicking lightly at Felix’s side. 

Felix waves a hand before sitting up with his legs crossed out in front of him. He leans back on his hands and takes in a deep breath. Jisung watches his chest fall up and down shakily, letting the silence take over them for a brief moment. 

There aren’t a lot of times where Jisung can remember feeling insecure about his body. There were the normal moments as he grew up and into his form where he felt out of place, but those were growing pains everyone felt. 

But it was in times like these where Jisung remembered that to have sex, you have to be naked and you know, vulnerable; open. 

He has never really been an open person in the first place and he really does like Minho, but he isn't sure if he is ready for this next step. Jisung is game for heavy make-out sessions, you could probably even talk him into a messy handjob. But for this new found intimacy that is sex, Jisung will begrudgingly admit he has never shared that with anyone else. 

So sue him for wanting to look good before he has to let his boyfriend down, to blue ball him in his _own_ apartment, and possibly be sent back home with his boyfriend title taken away. 

_It’s normal to get this nervous though, right?_

“You know Minho isn’t expecting you to sleep with him.” Felix says, bringing Jisung back to reality. The older tilts his head to the side as Felix continues. 

“Knowing Minho, he is going to be wearing sweatpants that haven’t been washed in weeks. He will probably order a pizza and put a movie on. I just don’t think he would be the type to pull this on you because I know you guys haven’t talked about it. You wouldn’t be able to shut up if you had.” Felix goes on and Jisung hates it when he is right. 

Minho is a good guy, he _is_ different from what Jisung is used to. Minho isn’t wandering hands that Jisung has to pull away from his body. Minho isn’t bites across his jawline that sting a little too much to be pleasurable. Minho isn’t someone who takes more than given. 

If anything, Minho gives more than he should. 

Jisung smiles to himself, he thumbs over the fabric of the sweatshirt in his hand. It’s just one of those overpriced sweatshirts with his college emblem printed on it. But it’s so soft and just a little too big on him. It’s the most comfortable thing Jisung owns. 

So would it really be crazy for him to show up to the person’s, the one who makes Jisung feel the most comfortable in his own skin, apartment in his favorite comfort outfit? Because Felix may have a point. 

“Get out, I’m getting changed.” Is all Jisung says before physically dragging Felix out of his room before slamming the door shut. 

He can hear the younger leave with a pep in his step (asshole!!!) and Jisung looks at his full-body mirror. He has a pair of jeans on that have more holes than denim. The flowy shirt he is wearing is nice too, and maybe he will wear it for Minho one day. 

But a pair of basketball shorts are calling his name right now, and who is Jisung to disagree with his subconscious on something as simple as an outfit.

Once he is changed and looks back in the mirror, a bucket hat on his head and his sweatshirt hanging off his body, all he can think is: _ah that’s better._

(And when Jisung knocks on Minho’s door, he tries to keep himself from picking at the skin around his finger nails. He had been confident in his outfit choice right until this moment. What if Minho is dressed up? Shit, what if Minho wants to _go out somewhere?_

All of Jisung’s useless thoughts silence when Minho opens the door and the first thing Jisung sees is… a pair of sweatpants. Jisung just smiles brightly and enters the apartment, toeing off his shoes while Minho kisses him on the cheek.

“How does pizza sound?” Minho asks and he can’t help but laugh. 

“Perfect.” Jisung pretends for just a second he doesn’t owe Felix $20 when he gets back home. And no, he doesn’t even stay over at Minho’s for the night).

  


  


3\. When every song is suddenly about them

Music has held it’s grasp on Jisung for as long as he could remember. 

One memory in particular that Jisung thinks about from time to time was when he was only 10 years old. He remembers running around the living room, jamming out to his tiny, silver iPod Nano and singing tone-deaf until his lungs felt like they would collapse into his small body. But nothing could ever stop him due to just being utterly in love with the music surrounding him. 

It took a while, but Jisung finally managed to get control over his voice and became not that bad of a singer as he got older (thank Christ for puberty). So when he was gifted his first laptop, he immediately downloaded a shitty, free song mixer off the internet. 

Sure, it gave more viruses to the computer than what it was worth, but Jisung can remember the feeling of pure joy he had when the download completed and he opened the application for the first time. It still stands as one of Jisung’s favorite days of his life. 

The only time Jisung felt wholly understood while growing up was when he was buried deep into a song. Even classical music has it’s own special place in his heart for making him feel something so powerful without any lyrics. But rap music was truly the genre that swept Jisung’s heart away. 

It was something in how the words were delivered that made Jisung feel more alive than breathing itself. How the words flew off the tongues of some of the most talented rappers (and would become Jisung’s idols) that enraptured his emotions perfectly: the anger, frustration, sadness, and pride. Music made Jisung who he is today. 

So Jisung wasn’t too surprised as one would expect him to be when he realized music became sort of his love language.

He made playlists for all of his closest friends. They were filled with songs that Jisung personally adored as well with a mix of songs he knew they liked and ones he thought could push them out of their comfort zones. 

Jisung tries to update them once every few months and enjoys sharing what he loves most with the people he trusts most. It was only a matter of time for Minho to get a playlist of his own. 

“ _Hyung._ ” Jisung draws out in a muffled voice, kicking his legs that hit the back of the couch due to the fact that he is short as shit. 

“Yes?” Chan looks to his side and sees Jisung throwing a tiny tantrum that could possibly fit in the older man’s hand. Cute. 

“What kind of music does Minho like?” Jisung asks with a desperate sort of look written all over his face. 

Jisung can see Chan take a peek over his shoulder to get a clear view of the younger’s laptop that has Spotify pulled up. He gets the urge to hide it away from the older’s gaze, but knows it is stupid. Chan knows exactly what Jisung is doing anyway so why bother. 

“So you are finally making him a playlist.” Chan asks with a silly voice even though _he knows_ (he so fucking knows), but just wants to make Jisung more embarrassed than necessary. 

Jisung wishes he was at his apartment because that means there would be a pillow on the couch (Chan is cheap, even if he won’t admit it) for him to hit the older with. Alas, they are at Chan’s apartment because of fuck knows why. Jisung was too lazy to argue when he offered for the younger to come over. 

So the younger just glares at him instead to which Chan throws his hands up in defeat. But Jisung can still see the smile resting on the older’s lips and he wishes he could look more threatening than a baby squirrel. 

“What’s the problem, usually these playlists come easy to you.” 

Jisung groans before showing Chan his computer. There are over a hundred songs on the unnamed playlist and he can see the older man’s eyes widen at the number. 

Usually Jisung tries to keep his playlists under 50 songs because he feels like if he puts too many on them, then people (Seungmin) won’t listen to the playlist all the way through. 

And usually, it isn’t a problem for Jisung to stay under that number. He is more than comfortable sending out a mass text, saying: _yo everyone save what songs you liked from your playlists ‘cause I’m gonna be deleting half of them in 10 minutes,_ before editing the shit out of them. 

Minho feels like a puzzle with a missing a piece; it seems like Jisung needs to be able to crack the fucking _Da Vinci Code_ before he figures out what songs he wants him to hear. 

“I just want the playlist to be perfect, but once I finally think I’m finished adding songs, I just remember another one.” Jisung leans his head back against the couch and sighs. 

This is going to drive him up the fucking wall. 

“You want me to look at it?” Chan asks and Jisung does everything but throw the laptop at his friend. 

Jisung normally is able to figure out what his friends like. Felix is more intune with acoustic covers while Changbin likes listening to heavy rap with banging 808s. Hyunjin likes shitty top 40 songs ( _I like to dance to those_ shitty _songs thank you very much_ ) and Jeongin will literally listen to fucking country if he is up for it. 

But with Minho… Jisung doesn’t know where to start. Whenever they listen to the radio in the car, Minho is able to tap the beat to any song on any station. Jisung has never seen Minho’s own personal playlists before. God, he is pretty sure he has heard _screamo_ coming out of Minho’s AirPods once. 

It makes it harder for Jisung to make a playlist simply because he doesn’t know where to focus on Minho’s likes. But shit does Jisung know what he wants to share with Minho. 

And that is everything. Jisung wants every song that has ever made his heart stop, start, speed up, and slow down on this playlist because he wants to show Minho _him._

Sure, he writes his own lyrics for songs that only Chan and Changbin ever see, and honestly they are pretty good. But Jisung wasn’t made for words, especially ones that are supposed to matter. 

All the words Jisung could possibly want to say to Minho matter, maybe even too much. That’s why this playlist has to exist, that’s why Minho has to listen to it. Because if Minho does then he is listening to Jisung; he is _hearing_ him. 

“I think you are thinking too hard. You have some good songs in there that will correlate well with others. You just need to cut it down by like, 40. And get rid of the One Direction, how old are you?” Chan laughs as he passes the laptop back over to Jisung. 

The younger sighs again and looks back at the screen. There are some good songs on there that will stay, but maybe _He Could Be The One_ by Hannah Montana could be deleted…

The next couple hours consist of Jisung deleting songs and ordering them. He has more classical pieces on there than he first thought, but keeps them anyway. No one he knows really likes listening to those, but he has a feeling Minho won’t mind. 

When Jisung finally reaches a completed rough draft, he still isn’t feeling it. The order is fine and the music in there is good, but it feels like it is missing something. And Jisung doesn’t know what it is. 

He is just hoping at this point that the cover of the playlist will finally pull it all together. 

Jisung plays around with some editing software on his phone and starts combining some photos and quotes together when he gets a message from Minho. 

**From: minhooo**  
11:32: hey!! was just listening to some stuff and this song reminded me of you hehe ;D  
11:32: [open.spotfiy.com]

With shaky fingers, Jisung clicks the link with a small smile on his face. His cheeks are heating up and for some reason, he sort of wants to cry. 

_No one has ever sent_ me _a song before._

An acoustic guitar starts the song off softly before diving into a heavy synth beat. Jisung snorts when he sees the familiar album cover and title. But he allows the song to play through just because he is weak for Minho. 

_Perfect Man_ by SHINHWA has never been Jisung’s favorite song, but maybe he can set aside some room for it to make a new home. 

(The next time Jisung sees Minho, he is wrapped up in a big hug before he can even open his mouth to say hi. 

“I loved _Remind Me of You,_ thank you.” Minho whispers against Jisung’s temple, making the younger feel warmer in the cold weather that spring has for some reason brought to them. 

He knows the title of the playlist is a little cheesy, but all the songs that Jisung listed really did remind him of the older, so.

“And I _really_ liked the song you sent me, very original.” Jisung responds with rosy cheeks and ears. Minho just ruffles his hair when he pulls away from him, and off to lunch they go).

  


  


4\. Buying them gifts… all the time

_Why did I think bringing Hyunjin along for this was a good idea?_

“Oooh shit, what about this?” Hyunjin is running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off, pointing at any shiny object that catches his eye like a fucking lunatic. 

His hair is long, blonde, and even if everyone finds it gorgeous (yes, including Jisung sadly), it does really emphazing how fucking stupid Hyunjin can be. Maybe he was always meant to be a Blonde.

Jisung rolls his eyes when Hyunjin points out another watch that is bedazzled with hundreds of crystals. Not only does Jisung not have enough money in the bank for a gift like that, but the thing just screams: _Hyunjin want, Hyunjin want now!!!_

 _Seungmin would’ve been so much more helpful, why didn’t I bring him? Am I the idiot?_

“If you are just going to mess around the whole time then take a train home.” Jisung pushes Hyunjin in the shoulder and the ever so slightly older man _squeals._

He gives Jisung a pained look, mixed with clear fakery but God does it piss him off enough to want to wrap his stubby little hands around Hyunjin’s neck. 

“You don’t mean that Sungie. You’d drown without me.”

“That was _one_ time and I was wasted—”

“Details, details.” Hyunjin waves off Jisung and proceeds to pull him out of another jewelry shop.

Jisung flings Hyunjin off of him and pulls out his scarf from his jacket lining. The weather is awfully windy and Jisung just wishes he was back home under thousands (repeat: thousands) of blankets with a tiny Felix on top of him for extra warmth. 

But instead he is here with Hyunjin by his side walking up and down the store fronts trying to figure out what the fuck he is going to buy Minho for their first month anniversary. 

He knows it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, really he does. Chan went on for a half an hour about how the construct of important dates is stupid, especially ones that are connected to something like ‘love’, because everyday should be important. 

Jisung didn’t tell the older man that he fell asleep halfway through and needed a crash course from Jeongin when he woke up. But the sentiment was there and Jisung knows that. 

It’s just… Jisung wants it to matter? He knows it doesn’t have to, but he is really happy to be with Minho. He’s already given Minho a playlist weeks ago so he can’t do that again and Jisung doesn’t have enough money for a nice dinner. 

But Jisung does have enough money for a bracelet or a pair of earrings. Minho really likes earrings and he looks so pretty with the dangly ones… Jisung is losing focus and Hyunjin was supposed to be the one to keep him on track. Clearly a bad move on Jisung’s part. 

Well they were doing pretty good on staying focused until they reached the first real jeweler, and realized how _expensive_ a nice pair of earrings can be. 

“This is hopeless.” Jisung kicks the pavement and leans against Hyunjin in defeat. The sun is starting to set and he knows that he has officially run out of time. 

Tomorrow is going to be their one month, and he knows he shouldn’t have procrastinated on a gift, but he was so nervous and dare he say, scared, and now it is just a mess— 

“Hey, Jisung, come on man calm down.” Hyunjin grabs at the younger’s cheeks and forces eye contact. Jisung takes in a deep breath and lets it out of his nose. 

_Calm, he can be calm._

“It isn’t the end of the world. Minho is like, the most understanding guy ever. He will be fine with you buying take out or something.” Hyunjin pats Jisung’s head like you would a puppy, making the younger want to grab at the other’s wrist and bite down on it like a chew toy. 

But he doesn’t, instead he just keeps walking with Hyunjin until they reach a stoplight. Jisung wonders why finding a gift for Minho is so much harder than it needs to be. He loves giving out gifts, but this one feels different. Well, it means something different too. 

His eyes wander and right as the spotlight turns green to allow pedestrians to walk, he sees it. Jisung grabs Hyunjin’s hand from the corner of his eye and pulls him to his side. The older whines at the sudden movement, but stops when he sees it too. 

“Oh Sungie, you might just have found it.” Hyunjin smiles. 

The next day is cold and wet. The sun has not shown it’s rays once and the rain seems to be coming down in sheets. Jisung goes to his only class of the day to figure out he has a surprise essay due that night. 

Honestly the only way the day could get worse is if Jisung got hit by a car and that almost did happen! It bummed him out to no end when he had to text Minho about being booked all night for some stupid fucking 100-level elective course. 

But like always, Minho took it in stride. 

**From: minhooo**  
18:44: no worries!!!! I’ll come over real quick to drop off your gift then get out of your hair!  
18:45: if that is cool?  
18:45: you got this sweetpea xD

So there Jisung stands in the lobby of his apartment complex, wrapped in a blanket and tapping his fingers on his elbow. He looks outside to see the rain pouring buckets and buckets of water on the city then he brings out his phone. 

There was no way Minho was out there in the rain right? He probably texted Jisung that they should just wait until tomorrow and the younger just hasn’t seen it yet. But no, Jisung looks at his phone and it is void of any new messages. 

It’s a swift knock on the double glass doors that rips Jisung’s attention away from his phone. He almost kicks Minho’s gift due to being startled, but when he makes eye contact with the older man on the other side of the doors, he moves quickly. 

Jisung opens the door to let in a very wet Minho. He is dripping rain water onto the tile floors, but Jisung really couldn’t be bothered because he can’t really believe that Minho is actually here. 

“I’m… you idiot!” Jisung hits Minho on the arm causing him to laugh. 

“What? You thought a little rain was going to stop me?” Minho asks right as a crack of lightning lights up the whole sky. 

_He must have lost his last brain cell on the way here,_ Jisung thinks when his eyes linger on what is in Minho’s hands. 

“Uh here,” Minho mumbles. “You always talk about liking the flowers outside so I stole some, now looking at them maybe that wasn’t the best idea.”

The ‘bouquet’ of flowers are definitely questionable, the roots are dangling from the blooms and they are getting dirt everywhere. But Minho picked exactly Jisung’s favorite flowers from the bed. 

Minho opens his jacket to reveal a semi-wet card. The card is made out of printer paper but has a cute doodle on it that Jisung could only guess is Minho and him, but in stickman form. Jisung takes the card in his hand and presses it against his chest. 

“Last thing…” Minho pushes up his jacket arm away to show two matching bracelets. 

“A girl I used to babysit got a bracelet making kit years ago and went crazy on it, we used to make bracelets together for hours so I made us matching ones.” Minho smiles and takes off one of the bracelets resting on his wrist. 

He motions for Jisung to give him his hand. Jisung tentatively lets Minho’s hand catch his as the older ties the bracelet around his arm. The colors are questionable, red and mint, but Jisung realizes it is because those are _their_ favorite colors intertwined together. 

He puts down the ugly flowers and card onto a random table before launching himself into Minho’s arms. Jisung tucks his head into the older man’s neck and pretends he doesn’t mind getting wet just once in his life. 

“Thank you.” Jisung whispers into his neck and tries not to cry, but how could he not? This is easily the kindest gift Jisung has ever been given. Definitely the most meaningful one. 

“Anything for you Jisungie.” Minho murmurs back and in that moment, Jisung believes him. 

(“You got me a new pair of shoes?” Minho says in awe as he opens the box. Jisung nods timidly as he plays with his hands. 

“Well you kept talking about needing a new pair to dance in and I saw these, Hyunjin thought they were perfect so…” Jisung’s voice trails off when Minho looks up with the most amazing look on his face. 

“They are perfect, but maybe I should wait to bring them to my place.” Minho laughs as he points to the window, showcasing the still horrific weather. 

Jisung laughs along with him, making the empty lobby feel so much smaller than it actually is).

  


  


5\. Sneaking around rather than telling your friends about them

The easiest part of seeing Minho as someone who is more than just a friend is the fact Jisung doesn’t have to hide it from his own friends. 

Minho has always had this weird intertwined relationship with Jisung’s friend group. He became friends with Chan when both of them were freshmen a couple years ago and they met Changbin together (who was adopted by Chan quickly, as it goes).

Due to Minho being a dancer as well he knew Hyunjin and Felix too. The only people he wasn’t close with were the two youngest in their group of misfits because they weren’t even in college yet. But after a couple interactions all together, Seungmin and Jeongin hung off of him like koalas. 

It has made dating so much calmer than Jisung ever remembered it being because he never had to do the whole ‘introducing the friends’ bit. 

Don’t get Jisung wrong, he loves his friends but Jesus are they next to awful when it comes to meeting any of Jisung’s new flings. Usually because they would find everything wrong with Jisung’s date within seconds and that always hurt him more than he ever let on. 

But with Minho, all he got was a: _oh okay, that’s cool,_ or even the occasional: _thank fucking God you decided on someone who isn’t complete shit._ That was more Seungmin’s opinion, but what do kids know now-a-days anyway?

_Too much, clearly._

As much as Jisung felt comfortable in their fresh relationship (it’s only been a couple weeks since they made it official), he knew it was only a matter of time before Minho made Jisung meet some of _his_ friends. 

Because Minho is popular, well as popular as you can get in the college setting. Maybe a better way to describe it is that Minho is more well known, Jisung guesses. The older man leaves a good impression everywhere he goes leading a lot of people to at least _know of him._

So of course Minho has friends outside of Jisung’s circle and of course (well not really, but these are Minho’s words not Jisung’s) Minho wants to introduce him to some of his closest friends.

Which Jisung is sort of surprised about. This is one of those things where he will admit to being sad as shit when he thinks about his past relationships and how his partners always wanted to sort of keep him hidden. 

It wasn’t like Jisung was ever locked in a tower far, far away, but sometimes it felt like that? Jisung sitting there, just waiting for the day he could hold hands with his boyfriend in public and not get his hand shoved away. 

Jisung never really thought his partners were too embarrassed by him, or didn’t want to be seen with him. For the most part he didn’t think that, but you know the bad days can be really bad.

And the bad days can really just hit him with a: _why would anyone ever want to be seen with me, I don’t even want to be seen with me somedays._

So when Minho finally asked Jisung if he wanted to meet his friend for coffee sometime, he didn’t really know what to say. 

Well he knew to say yes because he really did want to meet someone who is friends with Minho that doesn’t already have a biased opinion on Jisung. He wants to see Minho interact with someone who he is fully comfortable with. Jisung wants to see Minho in a light that he has never gotten the chance to see before. 

But the situation comes with it’s own new set of nerves. What would Jisung wear? How should he act? Does Minho’s friend know that they are dating? Does Minho want him to know? Is Jisung supposed to pretend that he is just another friend of Minho’s as well?

And yes, he should have asked Minho what exactly was the game plan before meeting up. He should have asked all those questions to Minho the second they came to mind, but he didn’t want to ruin the blissful, happy mood his answer put the older man in. 

Jisung didn’t want to ruin the mood simply because his heart was racing fast enough to be considered a minor anxiety attack but he digresses. 

He has never been good at meeting new people. 

Jisung can feel his palms get sweaty as he walks towards the cafe. It is the less busy one on campus and because Jisung has a class to go to within the hour, they choose this one as the best location to meet up at. That’s mostly due to the fact that Minho is too sweet for his own good and possibly treats Jisung better than he should. 

His outfit is as nice as it can be with a giant down jacket being put on top of it. But Jisung made sure to wear his newest pair of Vans and even went as far as wearing the smallest (tiniest) amount of eyeshadow. 

A pleasant heat surrounds Jisung the second he opens the door to the cafe. He takes in a deep breath and lets the smell of freshly ground coffee beans enter his system. It reminds him of the distant memory of their first date and Jisung almost automatically settles down. 

It doesn’t even take any effort to find Minho and who Jisung has to infer is The Friend in the crowd (why did Jisung never ask what the dude’s name is???). 

Minho waves at Jisung with his pretty smile causing the younger to burn under his scarf. He waves back and makes his way over to the two men with shaky, yet surprisingly confident steps. He gets to their table and moves his scarf down enough for his mouth to become visible. 

“Hi Minho,” Jisung whispers then turns his attention to the other man. “Hi, it’s nice to meet you! But I never caught your name, sorry...” 

“Don’t worry about it! I’m Wooyoung, I dance with Minho-hyung.” The man smiles up at Jisung and he suddenly feels a lot calmer than he did moments ago. Wooyoung is one of _those_ people, the type that will go over and beyond to make sure everyone is more than comfortable. 

Thank God for that. 

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Wooyoung continues casually and Jisung thinks: _I can do this._

As they exchange pleasantries, Minho stands up and moves toward Jisung. The younger sees it out of the corner of his eye and sort of panics as Minho gets closer to him. 

Out of pure self-preservation, Jisung takes his hand and turns it into a fist before putting it out for Minho to, well, fist bump him. Right when Jisung does this however, Minho plants a kiss on his still chilled cheek. 

_I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this._

Minho pulls back and looks down at the younger’s hand before looking back up. Jisung knows his face has to be as red as the shirt Minho is wearing because he can physically feel how hot his face is fastly becoming. 

The only thing that pulls Jisung out of his head is the sound of a giggle. Jisung whips his head down as he sees Wooyoung clutch his chest as he cackles over the wooden table. Minho even snorts a little before motioning Jisung to sit down. 

“So… what was that about?” Minho asks once he is sat down in his chair. Jisung finally realizes that Minho got him a cup of hot chocolate once he stops spiralling. He takes a sip of it before even thinking about responding to Minho’s question. 

“I didn’t know exactly what you told him.” Jisung mumbles out once the world stops spinning for enough seconds. He hasn’t bothered taking off his jacket and at this point, he doesn’t think he will. 

Jisung is content in hiding in the damn thing for the rest of his life if he has to. 

“He has _definitely_ told me too much,” Wooyoung slips into the conversation smoothly with his high tone, giving Jisung a supportive look before taking a sip of his own drink. “I know you guys are dating!”

Luckily he isn’t drinking anything when Wooyoung says that, but Jisung instead manages to choke on his own spit. He coughs into his elbow while Minho rubs his back to help him compose himself. 

“Can we just pretend this whole thing didn’t happen?” Jisung whines out as he puts his head in his hands. What a fucking nightmare. 

Both Minho and Wooyoung laugh at his behavior, but are quick to say: _no,_ at the same time. 

And even if the response pisses him off just a tad, Jisung can’t really find it in himself to be all that upset. 

(“So he tries to bro-fist me as I try to introduce him as my boyfriend to Wooyoung-ah.” Minho recounts that horrible event to all his friends, every single last one. 

Chan is laughing so hard that tears are running down his face while Changbin snorts like the Goddamn pig he is. 

“Only, and I mean only, Jisung would do that.” Felix says while slow clapping at the end of Minho’s story.

Jisung pouts with his arms crossed over his chest while sitting next to Minho. He tries to glare at the older for giving his friends so much embarrassing information about him that they really didn’t need more of. 

But the kiss Minho gives him on his temple makes up for it, just a little bit, just enough).

  


  


6\. Doing things you normally wouldn’t do to impress them... or something

Jisung is standing in the corner of a house he has never been to. The heavy bass rattles his bones and he is starting to get nervous for the safety of a lone picture frame that keeps knocking aggressively against the mysteriously stained wall. 

His hands are clammy and gross. Jisung knows that he shouldn’t be drinking any alcohol right now due to his tendencies to sip on anything when he is anxious. But the rum and coke doesn’t burn enough for him to care to remember. 

But he wants to be here, sort of. Minho wants him to be here so Jisung is here. Everyone else is also here, but they are nowhere in sight. Out of sight, out of mind, right? 

It always ends up like this and Jisung should have known better. 

Parties aren’t Jisung’s thing. Maybe it’s because his MBTI tells him he is an introvert, but he has never really vibed with large crowds. Especially ones filled with more people Jisung has never even seen before (and probably will never see again). 

He loves small get togethers with the friends he has grown to love and appreciate. But some days those can even be hard to go to; however, it’s never because he thinks he is unwanted there. It’s more like he doesn’t want to be there in the first place. 

Jisung knows it makes no sense, but he doesn’t know how else to describe it. He just likes being alone. 

Yet Jisung somehow, someway, became friends with all extroverts, so he finds himself at these types of parties more often than he can handle. 

Sometimes Jisung does have the energy to tell Felix that: _no, not tonight. I just want to eat some stove-top ramen and watch some bland-ass videos on YouTube._ But he can only do that for so long before he gets dragged out of the apartment by the ass. 

Felix didn’t even need to try this time around. It was Minho who invited Jisung out and God, he couldn’t say no. Minho mentioned never seeing Jisung at a party before and he couldn’t find the courage to argue against the claim. 

Jisung of course had the choice to come or not, but it was one of those nights where everyone got together beforehand, pregamed a little, then headed off to Greek Row after sunset. 

He takes a sip of his drink again to realize the cup is empty so Jisung pushes his back off the wall to get a refill. The plastic cup shakes in his hands as he moves through the dance floor to get to the kitchen. 

Jisung pretends he doesn’t see Hyunjin getting it on, ass on the kitchen counter, with some dude he has never seen before. He avoids it, fills his cup up with God awful jungle juice, and watches his hands stop shaking due to the new, heavy weight of the cup.

And while he finds his way back into the shaking living room, he finds Minho again. Well, Jisung sees him again is the more appropriate phrase. 

It only took seconds of Minho being in the frat house for him to get pulled into the crowd. Again, being a popular face around campus, the older was loved by many and who was Jisung to stop that? Minho has fun in crowds, and if Jisung has to get used to that then he will. 

Jisung smiled while biting his tongue and pushed Minho into his friends’ arms before mouthing: _I get it, have fun, I’ll be waiting right here for you._

To his word, Jisung goes back to his corner and pulls out his phone. And Jesus Christ he hasn’t even been here for an hour and he is already three drinks in. Jisung sighs to himself and puts his phone back into his pocket. 

When he looks up though, he makes eye contact with Minho. His eyes are lined with eyeliner that is as black as coal. His smile is deadly and Jisung almost wants to hide away. He looks down at the older man’s lips that mouth: _come here and dance with me._

Jisung shakes his head with big eyes along with a nervous smile displayed on his face. He was never the best dancer and the last thing he wants is to be compared to Minho. The older man frowns, but doesn’t make any motions to force him on the dance floor. 

And Jisung can’t figure out why that makes his stomach settle even heavier. For now, he’ll blame the alcohol (it’s _always_ the alcohol’s fault).

Time passes… oddly. 

One, Jisung can’t feel his feet and if someone told him that he didn’t have any, he’d probably believe them. Two, his vision is moving very slow right now because when he turns his head it takes easily 5 seconds for him to realize he moved. Three, Jisung wants Minho. 

He wants Minho _right the fuck now._

“Oh Minho-hyung.” Jisung’s voice is light in the air as he strolls around the house. His steps are messy and confused, but everyone is just as drunk as he is so it doesn’t matter. 

He can’t tell how loud he is talking until he finds himself in a tiny room where his voice echoes off the walls. Jisung doesn’t even notice the couple half-naked on the bed before he closes (slams) the door. 

_Where is he, I’m soooo fucking drunk—_

Jisung feels a hand rest softly on his waist when he finally makes his way back from the line of bedrooms into the crowd once more. He whips his head around to see a face, but remember, his sight is a little off right now.

“Hands off, I have a boyfriend.” Jisung proudly says in a pout as he pushes the man away. 

“I know sweetheart, I’m the boyfriend.” Minho’s words twinkle in Jisung’s ears; the man is smiling wide and it only gets bigger as Jisung realizes whose presence he is in.

“Minho-hyung!” Jisung throws himself on to the older causing him to laugh. They rock slightly due to how the younger pounced on Minho, but luckily Minho is half as wasted as Jisung is so he is able to stead them easily. 

“God, you must be wasted if you are adding the hyung.” Minho whispers into Jisung’s neck as he holds on to the younger. 

“I’m not wasted.” He whines back, but his stance says otherwise as he somehow sways side to side even in Minho’s embrace. 

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was wasted.” 

Jisung pulls back just enough to kiss Minho, but the younger misses by a mile and lands his lips on the older’s cheek. Minho giggles at the younger’s effort to find his lips, but fails more than once. Jisung feels Minho steady him again by holding his face with both hands. 

“Here, I got you.” Minho says against Jisung’s lips before putting enough pressure to kiss him. 

The world stops spinning for a moment, but that happens every time Minho kisses him. Jisung lets himself be swept away, not caring about the public eye. He usually isn’t down for PDA but being shitfaced really helps him care less.

Jisung fists Minho’s shirt and starts to walk backwards, hoping that he will run into a wall at some point. He notices Minho directing them through the crowd, but doesn’t care. As long as Minho stays pressed warm against him, he can do whatever the fuck he wants.

The wall hits his back and Jisung hears the crash of a picture frame falling to the floor. But Jisung couldn’t give two shits because Minho is licking into his mouth like a starving man. He moves one hand from Minho’s shirt to bring it to the older’s hair, and pulls. 

Minho groans against his mouth and Jisung feels lightheaded by the noise. He allows the older to move his hands from his face so they can travel down his body to hold his hips and waist. 

Jisung is feeling a certain desperation he has never felt before. His skin is hot and sweaty from the crowd, but cold in relation to whatever this is. He wants, God does he want, but is that because he’s wasted?

He doesn’t know and decides regrets can come later. 

So he climbs Minho like a tree, hooking one leg around the older man forcing him to grind down. Jisung moans at the feeling and barely notices Minho freeze. Key word: barely. 

“Hey Jisung, baby.” Minho whispers in Jisung’s ear and that is enough for him to be pulled back into reality. The reality being them dry humping in a crowded room. 

_Fuck._

“Maybe it’s time to go home.” Minho pulls back enough to push Jisung’s hair away from his forehead with a look of pure adoration on his face. 

“Yeah let’s… let’s go home.”

(Jisung passes out in the Uber so Minho gives him a piggyback ride up to the younger’s apartment. Minho is able to get a key off of him before he falls asleep once more.

When Jisung wakes up the next morning with a splitting headache and the memories of trying to bone his boyfriend in public, he wishes he could scream away all of his embarrassment into his pillow. 

Instead he turns his head and sees some painkillers, a glass of water, and a little note littered with smiley faces, saying: _text me when you wake up so I can take you out for some hangover breakfast._ So maybe… it wasn’t that bad of a night after all).

  


  


7\. Having those really weird moments of not feeling good enough

It was originally Minho’s idea and Jisung has never been more grateful for that.

The park is quiet and it’s probably because it is 10 at night so technically Jisung is trespassing right now. But at this point, he could really care less if he catches the attention of a stray police officer and gets coined with a citation.

Jisung rubs his eyes. They are swollen, red angry, and are burning like a bitch, but that doesn’t stop them from tearing up at any opportunity they see fit. 

He is so tired. It’s been a while since Jisung has been _this_ type of tired. The type that settles deep in your heart that you can’t even find where the bottom ends. The type that keeps you up at night when all you want to do is sleep the unearthly pain away. 

The type that makes you so fucking sad. 

He can’t remember what the fight was about, but he remembers the feeling it gave him. Jisung has never been a power-hungry dude, but the feeling of losing control of the situation itches under his skin and claws up his throat. 

Was it about his sleep schedule (or lack of one) or was it about forgetting another study date because he was passed out of pure exhaustion again?

Only thing he knows is that the fight has kept him up for two nights straight. Felix tried to push sleeping pills but Jisung refused, taking them has never felt right to him. 

But the two of them decided such a long time ago if they ever had a fight that they would get a day of space to think everything over and that they would meet up at the park when they were ready to talk. 

So here Jisung is, sitting on a wooden bench that might break if both of them sit on it. Normally he wouldn’t take chances like this, but really what is there to lose except everything. 

The easiest thing Jisung could do is blame himself. He has never been good at taking care of himself and it hasn’t gotten better since starting college. The world always seems too big and he, too small. 

And he knows that is an excuse. Minho has been trying so hard to get Jisung into a routine where he is able to get 8 hours of sleep. But sometimes a song just needs that finishing touch then that stupid fucking finishing touch is another 4 hours of work and it’s suddenly 3AM. 

Minho was just worried and Jisung couldn’t hate him for it, but he could try. So he did then immediately regretted it. 

Neither of them yelled, God they could barely even raise their voices at each other. But Jisung didn’t need to be a genius to realize how much he pissed Minho off when the older walked away and was out of the apartment before Jisung could retaliate. 

He just wanted to say that he was sorry, that he could be better and that he wants to be better. Jisung can’t be perfect and he won’t try to be, but wants Minho to remember that too. 

Minho is older than him and even though it is only by a couple years, it is apparent with how they hold themselves. While Minho doesn’t have it together all the time, he knows how to find his way back to whatever path he has made himself to at least be content with life.

Jisung on the other hand still has ‘ _handle with caution_ ’ written all over him and he wonders what the fuck Minho even sees in him. Because when he looked in the mirror earlier this morning, Jisung could barely see his own reflection. 

He would have never thought of making a meet up location to talk out an argument on neutral ground. Jisung would have hidden six feet under rubble and waited for the bombs to go silent before peeking out to see if it is all clear. 

“I’m a coward, aren’t I?" Jisung asks himself as a self-deprecating laugh rolls off his lips. His voice leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and some days he wishes he couldn’t speak at all. 

“A coward wouldn’t be here.”

Minho stands off to the side. His hoodie and sweatpant combo looks amazing even under the yellow streetlights. Jisung swallows before moving over a little on the bench to make enough room so when Minho sits, he doesn’t have to touch the younger. 

He does sit down, but has his thigh pressed right against Jisung’s. The warmth is more than welcomed and God does Jisung want to cry again. 

“I’m sorry.” His says then cringes at how that was the best apology he could think of. 

“I’m sorry too.” Minho responds and Jisung just shakes his head. A tear falls silently down his cheek and he is quick to brush it away. 

“Why are you shaking your head?” The older’s voice is so calm and Jisung doesn’t deserve it. He’s never deserved it, he has never deserved Minho. 

“Because it was my fault.” Is all Jisung is able to say before he starts crying for real. He doesn’t sob or weep, but he cries gently into his hands as the whole world seems to swallow him up whole. 

“It takes two to argue. I shouldn’t have made a comment about your music being too important because you’re allowed to have it be.” Minho speaks smoothly and taps Jisung’s thigh. 

The younger nods his head that is still firmly planted in his hands, but that is enough of a sign for Minho to put his hand on the younger’s back. His fingers scratch Jisung’s spine delicately and Jisung tries to breathe. 

“But you’re important too.” Jisung murmurs and thank Christ Himself that Minho is a good listener because the words almost seem to be caught by the breeze before they can even reach Jisung’s own ears. 

“I know.” 

They sit in silence for a while. Minho rubs Jisung’s back as the younger collects himself. There is so much to say, and Jisung allows himself to believe that there is also enough time for it to be quiet. 

Once Jisung is able to breathe evenly again, he sits up and looks at Minho. The older doesn’t look any better than himself, his eyes just as red and irritated as his own. It is almost enough to get Jisung spiraling all over again. 

“Why me?” He asks, letting his bottom lip quiver. Afraid of the response he might get. 

“What do you mean?”

“Why me? Why did you choose me?” _How could you ever like me?_

Minho almost looks taken back. He doesn’t move away or get closer, he just looks at Jisung and blinks once, then twice. He takes in a deep breath and opens his mouth to just close it. 

Jisung wants to say that something heavy is on the older man’s mind, but that would be projecting. And he is trying to work on not doing that. 

“I like you, a lot,” Minho says confidently. “You are very passionate about what you love and even if you don’t notice, you are very comfortable being yourself. I have a good time whenever you are around and you are the first thing I think about when I wake up. The last thought I have before I go to sleep—”

“—And no matter how frustrated I get with you and your sleep schedule, it doesn’t change the fact that I… _really_ like you. And if there is one thing I want you to learn is that if anyone ever tells you that loving you is hard, that they are lying. Liking you is the easiest thing I've ever had the privilege of doing.” 

Minho’s voice catches at the end, but he doesn’t look like he is anywhere close to crying. And Jisung doesn’t know what to say so he doesn’t say a word. All he knows is that is the nicest thing someone has ever told him and probably will be for the rest of his life. 

Even if Jisung doesn’t (can’t possibly) believe it himself right this moment, he hopes that he can one day. 

But at least right now Jisung knows that they are going to be okay, that they are going to be just fine. 

(“How’d it go?” Felix asks when Jisung gets back to the apartment half-past midnight. The younger sits on the couch with his reading glasses on like a father waiting for his child to come home after their first date. 

Jisung freezes by the door then turns on his toes with a meek grin on his face. His lips are swollen pink and his face is flushed the same pretty color. Jisung’s own hoodie is almost pulled off his shoulder and he tries to move it back before Felix sees the blooming red marks that now litter the skin of his neck. 

However, he’s never been fast. Felix snorts before taking his glasses off. 

“Don’t bother asking to borrow a turtleneck tomorrow, the answer is gonna be no, lover boy. This is between you and God now.”).

  


  


8\. Worrying about all the dumb little habits you have 

At this point everyone knows the story, but Jisung would like to tell it again (and again, and again, _and again_ …).

Minho was (and still is) a close friend of Chan’s. Which wasn’t shocking due to the fact they were similar in age and Chan just has the tendency to know every single attractive man on fucking Earth, specifically in Seoul where Jisung only sees 4 out of 10’s on a daily basis. 

So really it shouldn’t have been shocking to Jisung when Chan came up to him after his most recent mess break up with a soft smile and a phone number in hand. 

“ _His name is Minho, I think you guys may have met before at my place for a throwback or something. But really Jisung, he’s a good guy. You should reach out to him._ ” 

Now Chan may easily be the most trustworthy person Jisung knew at the time (and he wondered how that was even possible after only knowing him for a couple months), but even Jisung knew that blind dates just never managed to go right. No matter how hard you tried to make it work.

It’s always too awkward, too warm, and too stiff. Jisung already had a hard enough time going on dates he could manage to get himself. How the fuck he would ever get through something like this without wanting to pull out his own teeth was beyond his understanding. And yet. 

After a couple side comments about Changbin getting the dicking down of a lifetime from Felix of all people, Jisung was officially tired enough to start pulling at the smallest of straws he could get his grimy hands on. 

Which ended up being Minho, who was waiting outside of the coffeeshop they decided to meet at. One of his hands was in the pocket of his jeans while the other typed with a quick finger. Jisung swallowed as he watched the older for a second from underneath the stoplight and pretended he didn't feel his phone vibrate. 

It was weird at first, just texting someone you knew of but didn’t exactly know. Sure Jisung knew Minho was a performance major in his third year after the older shared his instagram account with him. Jisung spent the next few hours scrolling through the man’s pictures and videos, watching anything and everything he could get his hands on in the most non-creepy way possible. 

Sure he knew Minho was quite popular in his department. Not only did his instagram and twitter show more followers than Jisung expected any normal college student to have, but just after Jisung started talking to him, he couldn’t go a day without hearing Minho’s name coming out of someone else’s mouth. 

And sure Jisung knew that Minho just looked like that. Of course Minho looked like that, again, one of Chan’s friends, remember? They _all_ look like that, hot as fucking shit. It sort of intimidated Jisung because he knew he wasn’t the most attractive due to his chubby cheeks and weak-ish (compared to Jeongin’s that is) jawline. 

But if Minho agreed to meet up for a date after he saw a photo of Jisung stuffing marshmallows in his face, he had to find him cute at least right? 

Jisung stood under the spotlight longer than necessary and wondered if this was a bad idea. He knew enough that whatever this was, it just wouldn’t work out. With how much energy the older man already showed over text in his too kind words, overly used emoticons and smiley faces, Jisung knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up. 

The last thing he would ever want to do was bring someone like Minho down at ground level when clearly this was a person who could possibly live in the clouds. 

It wasn’t that Jisung hated himself more than the average college student, it’s just that Minho was Minho and as fucking lame as it sounds, Jisung was just well, himself. Sort of a nightmare, more like a hot mess. 

But there Minho was, standing outside of the coffeeshop in the height of winter because he didn’t want to walk in without Jisung by his side. Or so the older sent over his text. 

Jisung smiled a little, looking at his phone and thumbed over the message as if it was a stubborn smudge that just wouldn’t go away. When he looked up, his eyes locked with Minho’s who waved at the younger man. 

He waved back, took in a deep breath, and walked towards him. 

_Might as well get this over with,_ Jisung thought as he finally crossed the road and strolled into Minho’s presence as if he wasn’t currently shitting his pants.

Once he got into an acceptable range, the older man called out to him. 

“Jisung, it’s so nice to finally meet you.” And that was when Jisung saw Minho smile for the first time and it hurt his heart a little bit. 

He wanted to see it again, and hopefully as soon as possible.

“Hi Minho-hyung.” Jisung spoke softly, mostly out of nervousness, but nevertheless it caused Minho to smile again which Jisung silently counted as a win. 

The older opened the door for them to go inside. Jisung felt more comfortable already in the heat of the building, the cold always made him anxious for some reason so it was nice to finally leave it behind. 

Before Jisung could continue to walk into the shop, Minho stopped him. 

“What’s your order? I can grab us some drinks if you find a table?” He asked, but it didn’t sound like a demand. Jisung saw room to disagree and that was enough at the moment to let it slide. 

“Hot chocolate, uh please. Thanks.”

It didn’t take long for Jisung to find a table due to their date being scheduled at night. He sat by one near the high-panel windows and watched the cars roll up and down the street. 

Minho came into his presence softly and sat down in front of him. He turned his head and looked out the street before them and God did this man ever _stop_ smiling?

“It’s a beautiful night.” Minho said and Jisung nodded his head to agree. 

Jisung had never really been a big talker. He enjoyed listening to others speak and would put his opinions in when necessary. But that’s where all of his conversational points laid. Minho seemed to notice this quickly as the older started talking about his day rather than asking Jisung 20 questions.

And honestly, Minho wasn’t what Jisung was expecting. He didn’t think he was going to be bad per se, but everyone has weak points right? Whether it be showing up to dates late or forgetting to call home, being conceited or too self-deprecating. 

But Jisung couldn’t find a flaw in sight. Minho was attentive, he listened whenever Jisung did decide to speak. He never looked at his phone even when it almost vibrated off the table. 

Where he lacked (and did Jisung know he lacked a bit everywhere), Minho picked up. Their conversations about school, home, sports, music, they all felt natural. Nothing was forced and Jisung could feel himself already starting to get used to it. 

However, it wasn’t enough for Jisung to truly calm down. His anxiety was like a train running rampant in his chest and the only way for that energy to finally leave his body was to do something. 

So Jisung played with his rings. He moved them on and off his fingers easily over two dozen times. He moved them from finger to finger, even being able to fit them on his thumbs. He put them on the table, to put them on his phone, to put them back on his fingers. 

And it didn’t take long for Jisung to notice that Minho was watching him do so. 

“Whatcha looking at?” Jisung asked. He tried to keep his nerves under wrap, but he knew all that nervous energy could come down the second Minho asked him to stop moving around. 

Instead, Minho… smiled? _Again?_

“I saw that you play with your rings and I wish I was wearing mine. I do it too.” He said quietly with a certain look on his face that made Jisung’s heart grow. 

“Oh, so you don’t want me to stop? It’s okay if you want me to.” _Everyone does._

But Minho shook his head no and kept talking about whatever they were discussing before. Jisung tried to move on as fast as the older, but his head kept replaying the look Minho had on his face. 

Jisung never wanted to forget that look for the rest of life. 

(The younger watches Minho with a content look on his face. The older man is talking about something, but Jisung just pays attention to Minho’s fingers that keep removing and putting back on his rings. 

And he remembers their first date and feels incredibly stupid for thinking he could ever stay away from him. 

“Whatcha looking at?” Minho asks, pulling Jisung out of his own head. He just smiles up at the older and grabs his hand to intertwine their fingers. 

“Nothing.” And Jisung hopes the look he gives the older is the same one Minho gave him all those months ago).

  


  


9\. Sleeping at night becomes the hardest challenge of the fucking _century_

_I think I’m going to die. I have reached the end of the line and it’s time to pass on._

Jisung is this close (you can’t see it, but he is pinching his fingers together as close as possible without them touching) to calling it quits. He has been studying for his finals for what seems like hours to still know absolutely nothing. 

Well, that isn’t true. He knows some things, but he feels like he should know more by now. Instead of getting straight C’s on his finals, he is probably in the B maybe even B+ range now. Which is nice and all if he hadn’t spent _this_ much time color-coding his notes. God he deserves A’s just for that, he doesn’t understand how TikTok girls do it. 

With a sigh, he slams his head down onto his desk in hopes of knocking himself out. He just wants to sleep and he knows that sleep will even help him remember more, but if he could only get a couple more hours in of studying then he’d— 

Jisung sits up when his phone starts ringing. Normally he would wait for it to go to voicemail even if it was someone like Changbin calling (his friends know he _hates_ talking on the phone), but sees it’s actually Minho. 

And maybe it is out of pure tiredness that allows Jisung to answer the phone without wanting to immediately throw up after. 

“Minho?” Jisung asks stupidly like he didn’t read the contact name. 

“Yes Jisung that is my name.” The older man giggles over the phone. 

It doesn’t sound as sweet as it would in person due to the crackling of the line but Jisung thinks it is good enough for now. 

“I’m tired okay, finals are kicking my ass. I can’t talk for long, gotta keep going.” Jisung fist bumps the air as if Minho can see him. God he is truly losing his mind right now, isn’t he?

“Babe, do you know what time it is?”

“It’s like 10, I’m not even being that bad.” Jisung laughs, but stops when Minho coughs into the receiver. 

“Look at the clock again.” Minho states neutrally and Jisung shrugs to himself. 

_Okay, don’t know why I should— oh my fucking God when did it reach 2AM?_

Jisung groans before apologizing profusely over and over again. He really was doing a good job of going to bed around 1AM and shit, he promised Minho he wouldn’t go overboard with finals and— 

“Sungie, it’s fine. It happens, I’m awake right now too, aren’t I?” Minho’s tone sounds sincere and Jisung’s sighs out of relief. He really couldn’t deal with a fight right now even if he wanted to. 

“I have so much more to study Minho, I just… I don’t know if I can do it anymore.” Jisung doesn’t like how defeated he sounds but can’t bother to cover it up. 

After Minho basically begged for Jisung to be more honest with him when he was going through a hard time, the younger couldn’t really bear to at least not try to open up more. Even if it scared him shitless. 

“How about this,” Minho starts and it is almost like Jisung can see the older tapping the bottom on his chin with his index finger. “How about you come over and stay the night, I can wake you up in the morning and drive you to class so you have more time to study.”

Jisung gapes like a fucking fish out of water. Could he really take up that offer? He knows Minho is swamped with finals too, that’s the whole reason why they haven’t been able to see each other for like, a week. A long, hopeless sort of week. 

“Are… are you sure?” Jisung asks tentatively, he doesn’t want to over step even though they have been dating for months now. It seems like a big step, holy shit, wait. 

Jisung has never spent the night over at Minho’s. Okay that is a lie, he has spent the night multiple times over on accident, usually it happens whenever they have movie marathons and Jisung passes out during one. But he has never planned to spend the night over there before. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Minho says and wow, okay. This is really happening, sick. 

“I’ll be ready in 10 minutes.” Jisung whispers before ending the call. Then proceeds to freak the fuck out just like he did the first time he went over to Minho’s. 

He hasn’t showered in days so he probably smells like roadkill. All he has eaten are chips and cookies which has caused his face to break out. And Jisung knows that his ass is the least it has ever been ready to be railed (not like that is saying much).

So Jisung breathes in and breathes out. He closes his eyes and pretends everything is okay because it is. Then opens them once more.

 _No time like the present,_ he thinks before smiling. Everything was going to be fine.

Minho picks him up 15 minutes later. The younger has a backpack slung over his shoulder with all of his notebooks, pencils, highlighters, and other important shit packed tightly in. He doesn’t bother to bring clothes or a toothbrush with him because over his accidental sleepovers, he has accumulated those things in Minho’s drawers and counter. 

The older man looks tired and Jisung is sure he looks quite similar. They walk slowly to the elevator and crawl into it when it reaches the ground level. Jisung tucks his head into Minho’s shoulder the second the door closes and refuses to move until they reach Minho’s floor. 

Hand in hand (ha gay, God he _is_ tired), they make their way to Minho’s apartment. Once inside, they move quietly through it to try and not disturb Minho’s probably asleep roommate. They make it into the older man’s room somehow in one piece and Jisung immediately crashes onto the large bed before him. 

“You changed out of your gross clothes before coming here right?” Minho asks jokingly and all the energy Jisung has to give him is a thumbs-up. 

He even washed his face before leaving his apartment, how nice is that?

Minho’s bed feels like Heaven and Jisung never wants to leave. He hears Minho get changed out of his clothes and into something more comfortable; only when he hears the older start to move towards the bed does Jisung decide to resituate himself. 

He moves to the side of the bed that is the farthest away from the wall knowing that Minho has a preference toward that side (so he can put his nasty ass feet against the cold wall). The older man crawls over him after turning off the bedside lamp. The dark takes over the room and all Jisung can hear is his own heartbeat. 

Jisung settles into bed as Minho sets an alarm on his phone to wake them up. He knows they aren’t going to get a good night's rest, but something is better than nothing. Even if something is only 4-ish hours with no REM sleep in sight. 

They lay next to each other and the younger can tell both of them are laying on their backs. He moves his hand that is closest to the older under the covers and finds Minho’s. He wraps his pinkie around the older’s and squeezes it. 

“Thanks for letting me come over.” He whispers, but it seems so much louder in a room that is surrounded by nothing. 

Minho squeezes back before letting go. 

Jisung moves on to his side to face Minho, he feels the other man do so as well. He finds Minho’s face first with a hand before resting his forehead against the older’s. 

He breathes in the other man’s existence and remembers how luck wasn’t what brought them together. How it was fucking _Chan_ of all people. 

Giggling quietly at the thought, it isn’t long for their lips to find each other. The kiss is serene and warm. Jisung lets himself melt into Minho’s embrace as the older man brings an arm around his waist and pushes their chests together. 

Maybe he will regret it in the morning, about how he could be sleeping right now, but somehow Jisung can’t even believe in that. His heart steadies as he moves in tandem with Minho, their bodies tangling up together and finding solace in the very early morning. 

He falls asleep with his head on Minho’s chest and hears the echoing of three little words, but can’t exactly place what they exactly were. 

(“Did you say something last night before I passed out on you?” Jisung asks, eating a bowl of way too sugary cereal while sitting on Minho’s kitchen counter. 

The older man freezes for a split second before shaking his head. His body language is closed off and Jisung could push if he wanted to, but realizes that he probably shouldn’t. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” Minho says with a shrug. “You want a cup of coffee?”

Jisung won’t say he moans at the words, but shit was he close to. Minho really might be God sent).

  


  


10\. When they take your breath away

“Hey Jisung?” Minho calls for Jisung’s attention as they sit idly on the twin swing set. 

The sun is out and summer is here. Finals are over and everything seems to be falling into place. Jisung finally finished his freshman year of college and God was it looking rough for a bit. 

But he thinks it turned out alright. 

“Yeah?” Jisung continues to look at the clouds as they float across the sky slowly. They are puffy and white, one looks like a puppy— oh wait it has changed into a dick, cool. 

The air is heavy with moisture and there will probably be a storm tonight, but that is for later. Jisung is content with thinking about it right now. 

“I’m in love with you.”

Okay so one day, Jisung asked Wooyoung what it was like to fall in love. The older and he have gotten closer as Jisung and Minho’s relationship progressed so it wasn’t abnormal for the two to hang out just on their own. 

Wooyoung gave him a grin and shook his head.

_“Falling in love is… messy. It isn’t necessarily hard, but takes hard work. Love isn’t what keeps couples together, but is the most essential thing to have in a relationship because it’s what starts it all. You’ll know when you fall in love, believe me. And it will be different every time you do, but at the end of the day love is just… well it’s just love.”_

And at the time Jisung called bullshit on that response because Wooyoung told him absolutely nothing important and he left more confused than he was before.

Jisung always thought falling in love was fireworks and sparks, an ember before it catches fire. Falling in love was fighting in the rain then kisses with water drops and tears in the way. Falling in love was red, and pink, and white. 

Well, clearly that isn’t correct at all but what was Jisung supposed to believe if that’s where all the signs pointed towards? 

Maybe it was Hollywood’s fault for over-romanticizing love (how they managed that, no idea). Love wasn’t a person, it didn’t wake up in the morning and brew it’s favorite type of coffee first thing. It didn’t have an agenda to meet or friends, family, or relatives. Love doesn’t care who you are and love certainly doesn’t care if you are ready. 

Love comes when it wants to, and packs it's bags when it chooses. 

Maybe it was all the young adult novels that Jisung read when he was younger that ended up warping his perspective. How only boys could ever confess to a girl, how the confession had to be said in a life-or-death situation, how it mattered so fucking much to say those words at the ‘right’ time.

Jisung is getting way too introspective on this, Jesus Christ. It really isn't _that_ deep... okay maybe it is.

“Yeah, I love you too.” Jisung says as he breathes out a normal sized breath. 

Were all these things expectations? Quite possibly, but is Jisung disappointed? No, he doesn’t think so. 

Falling in love with Minho was as natural as breathing. Not once did Jisung think he was searching for his other half, but for his partner. Minho matches him where he must, but continues to push him forward when the older knows he can be better. 

Minho knows his limits and weaknesses, but appreciates them as much as all the good qualities because they make up all of Jisung. And Jisung does the same for the other. 

Jisung takes morning classes, Minho takes afternoon ones. Jisung loves cheesecake, Minho stands it just enough. Jisung listens to music, Minho dances to it. 

But they both like Star Trek more than Star Wars, they both prefer to sleep in a king size bed rather than a twin (okay, who wouldn’t), they both love watching their friends get shitfaced and jump into public water fountains at 4 in the morning. 

Jisung remembers when he first wrote out a list of ways to figure out if he was falling in love. He wasn’t in a great place at the time so the whole list was sort of bullshit. He always knew that. The words were written to act like weapons, but Jisung couldn’t force himself to delete it. Even when Seungmin wrote ( _dumb of ass_ ) into the title. 

For some reason, he knew it would come in handy. Maybe more as warning signs, that if he feels any of these things while he is in a relationship that he should probably get out of it. Because Jisung had a hard time realizing how bad things were getting until it was too late. 

So it sat there in his notes on his phone and if it was a piece of paper, it would have dust piled on top of it by now. Because the longer he dated Minho, the more Jisung let go of the fear. 

The fear of making mistakes, the fear of talking for too long and too fast, the fear of moving around all time and becoming an annoyance, the fear of being _too much,_ the fear of being too little. 

With Minho, there really wasn’t time for any of those thoughts. Looking back on it now, Jisung can’t even remember the last time he was ever so comfortable being in his own skin. While Minho mentioned how well Jisung was able to pull off confidence and courage (whether it be real or not), God knows he truly struggled believing he was worth... something, anything.

But now there is an argument to be made that maybe, just maybe, he is. 

He doesn’t give Minho all the credit, for loving him while he figured out his own shit. Sure it was a transitional time period in Jisung’s life and the last thing he thought when he went into his freshman year was that he was going to fall in love. 

Minho, however, has definitely made a permanent place in Jisung’s heart and no matter what happens, he will always have a home in him. Thankful is a word that comes to mind, a word that is easy to connect Minho to. 

“Thank you.” Jisung says as the two of them walk back towards campus. 

He is glad that he got a real apartment now instead of a dorm because he knows his parents would have never let him stay with his boyfriend for the whole summer. Well, not without meeting Minho and Jisung is simply not ready for that embarrassing event to happen just yet. 

“For what?”

“Nothing.” _Ugh this is so fucking gross, but for everything._

Of course Jisung knows it won’t be easy. Minho is starting his senior year in a handful of months and only fuck knows what will happen after he graduates. Arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, and fights will happen because that’s natural. Jisung won’t bother fighting nature when he knows he would get his ass beat. 

There is so much time for Jisung’s dumbass anxiety to fill in the spaces with ‘what if’s’ and he will let it happen soon enough, but shit, he could not be bothered right now to do so. 

Because Minho is here with him, it is 2 in the afternoon and he was promised ice cream. Jisung will force feed mint chocolate chip into Minho’s mouth because he has no boundaries and Minho truly doesn’t care. 

Then they will go back to Minho’s apartment and make-out on the couch. They will go there this time instead of Jisung’s own apartment because the last time they did, Felix came in right when Minho put his hand down Jisung’s pants. And proceeded to scream absolute bloody _fucking_ murder. 

And they will fall asleep too early and wake up at some ungodly hour in the morning. They will curl into a spare window space and watch the sun rise because both their phones are dead due to forgetting to charge them, again (always Minho’s fault).

Until then, Jisung will walk with his hand in Minho’s and take in the day as is. There is no rush at this point and if there ever was, Jisung regrets those moments where he just didn’t smell the roses. 

They are going to be in love like how anyone their age is, unforgivingly and stupidly. No clue what they are doing, but trying their hardest. Yet, Jisung thinks that is what falling in love is like for anyone, no matter the age. 

_Falling in love goes something like this,_ Jisung thinks just as unforgivingly and stupidly as he is supposed to. 

(“I can hear you thinking from over here and it’s giving me a headache.” Minho says while taking a spoonful of sherbet into his mouth. 

Jisung snorts before sticking his own spoon into the older’s cup, mixing his minty goodness with Satan’s version of Hell on Earth, aka tiger’s blood. 

“Nah that’s just the freezebrain you are about to have.” 

“I’m not gonna have a freeze— oh fuck, ow! How the hell did you do that? I sense sorcery!” 

Jisung just smirks at Minho who groans in pain, holding a hand to his temple and seemingly rubbing his tongue on the roof of his mouth over and over again.

And all he can think is: _fuck, I need to delete that dumb list off my phone_ ).

  


  


**Author's Note:**

> kpop world is a hot mess lmfao, what can you expect?
> 
> see you in the next one, ciao~~~
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/travelingsymphony)


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